If only 'was' were 'is'...

Sometimes I just sit back on my armchair placed usefully in the beautiful gallery of my house ,on the top floor(9th floor that is)….look around ,appreciate the greenery of the city. Then I see the serene ‘birla mandir’ ,adore its architecture(not very complex but still good to look at) and inexorably start thinking about the way life goes…
Life is crazy. It makes things happen in such a way that I cannot regret nor can I cherish it all at once. I actually wanted to scribble something about baba(my dad)n that was the main purpose I started writing .So I hereby write n thus try to recall the share of all good and bad memories associated with my dad. We used to live in merely a district called ‘Jhabua’ initially. Jhabua is the place I’d always want to visit. The home there was so good……we had a swing at home…a big backyard where aaie had planted 50 rose plants ,many other plants ,and those two mango trees I can never forget! I had pets…white mouse ,rabbits(4,who had increased the number to around 12) ,parrots ,love birds(6) ,and ‘Bhola’ and ‘Bholi’….bhola was a dog n bholi his partner…they were all like family members…especially bhola…he was so expressive. Him and bholi used to almost fight with us(me n bala)to stay close to aaie! They would snatch an egg from me but when with aaie would kind of please her to give it to them…bhola was really what his name said…’bhola’ and ‘bhondu’ sometimes…bholi was a bit sharp…but cute…Bhola was with us for 7 years(bholi died soon…4 years of age). Its birthday was same as mine……and death was 6th October……both of them used to chase the other dogs of our colony…! It was so much fun watching them irritate other dogs with a joint effort. I miss bhola terribly. I completed my primary education there itself. Then baba got transferred to another place ‘Neemuch’. It was better than Jhabua in almost all aspects. A bigger city, more densely populated, better educational institutes, it was only climate-wise a little retrograde as compared to Jhabua. My school had changed and so had my grades. I must say my brother(Bala..his nick name)helped me improve a lot. He has always been there to encourage me when I loose hope and I am sure he will always be there besides me to catch me wherever I stumble. When bala decided to go to Kota(to take up coaching for JEE) I was again bad in school performances…it took some time to again perform a little better…but I knew I had no other way out…I had to do it on my own…and I did it to some extent. Heheh when I started getting involved in the school activities and eventually started liking the school and friends there…baba again got transferred, this time to Bhopal. It’s the best amongst the three places where we stayed. When baba was here, aaie(mom) and I had to stay there in Neemuch for a few months initially..and bala was there in Kota itself..preparing hard for IIT JEE. Almost the time when aaie and I were to leave Neemuch, bala was to give the entrance exam finally. It went well. T’was the time to search results through the internet. We were all so surprised to find out that he had actually made it into IIT mains and that too with a very good rank. My aji(grandma) was not surprised…she said she knew he’d get through…it was water clear!! My aji is someone who has always had so much faith and belief in every member of the family…and she is probably the reason why we still exist in a joint family. Baba was so very happy that he could have distributed sweets all over India! We were all so happy. But why does it happen that there are 10 sad moments after a single happy moment. That’s what we call life!
My family forms the most beautiful part of my life. My mom, my brother and memories of my dad. Other family members like my uncles and aunts have always been there to support and strengthen all decisions aaie made…a few make exceptions though. But it never happened that we did not get the family support. And yes how can I forget my cousins…about 14 cousins. They are all so caring (and so intelinside L all have made it into national level institutes…and now is my turn to appear for competitives…gawd help!!)
My mom had to make such great sacrifices for us that even if I now try to thank her I will be at a loss for words. She had to pare down her requirements, her dreams to fulfill those of mine. If ever God blesses me with a girl child, I’d want her to be like my mom. So caring, so beautiful, so intelligent, so motherly, such a great decision maker…oh I can go on adding adjectives that it will take me next few days to complete! I can claim my mom to be the best mother (bestestttt!!) ever existed on this holy place called earth. She could play all the roles in a family. Being a mother she was successful, being a wife she was I should say more than successful, being a daughter again she is looking after her parents and has already made them proud by performing well in all facets of life…
My brother, he is someone I really respect…I really love. Whenever I went weak, whenever I felt sad, whenever I was upset I always found him there to encourage and cheer me up. It is mostly because of him that I am what I am today. He is an ideal son ,an ideal brother and I may say an ideal human. How difficult the situation may b he would never be confused…he has this great ability to not loose his cool anytime. He understands the need of the situation so well and reacts so perfectly to everything. He has had a hard time in life……although the conditions for me and him were almost the same but he had been strong enough to put us through all that, I was not. The most efficient guy on the earth is my own brother(makes me proud J). He would not keep saying things for sake…actions speak for him. Give him any work he’d enjoy it to the fullest and the outcome would always be prodigious. He would put his sincerest efforts even if he is asked to clean up the kitchen! He has got a profound persona…and has always been popular amongst friends for his all round performance……oh how I wish I were still staying with him…now that he has got a job he is in Bangalore…miles away from Bhopal L. What I find is he is vehemently inspired by my dad…
My dad, he is the one I miss the most in my life. I always loathed upon his saws and now when he is not here to tell me things I realize how true those sayings were. Its been almost 4 years now he is not physically present with us(I am sure he is watching his family from wherever he is now). Won't I ever see him again??? Not even for a second? I wish I had a little time more that I could spend with him…there was so much to learn…there was so much to b happy about…such an esteemed soul he was. He had such great qualities…which I see now…which I could not make out earlier when I had a chance.
Okay I will start it this way……(hey readers…close the page if it bores you up…its not for you m writing anyway…its just the beginning!!!)
He was born in a joint family in Dhar ,a district in Madhya Pradesh. He too like me..loved his dad. Say it a tradition now, cause he too lost his dad when he was quite young. He was brought up in a good environment (credit goes to aji). He was fond of gardening ,body building(!!)(he was the weight lifting champ :D). I must say he was the most systematic and clean man anyone could ever find. You would never have found even a single pair of shoes ,out of almost 50 pairs(!) ,out of its place. He was fond of different kinds of dresses…he had so many suits…around 20……each kept neatly. Used to look so dashing.... I am so sure when he was in college all girls would have gone bananas for him ;). Oh yes….my parents’ was a love marriage…how they both cared for each other. Makes me wonder sometimes…why it had to happen to my mommy…she has always been the one who had to face all the adversities. I just wish I was an angel and I could make all the pains vanish….how I wish!
Baba could have been the superhuman of today’s world…he had all those qualities. Efficiency was splendid ,he could work continuously for 20 hours a day ,he was hard working ,he was a good human ,a self-made man ,he was sensitive…he ‘was’…………if only I could write ‘is’…
But all those qualities of a superhuman were overshadowed by a single wont…what had merely started as a social praxis had become a regular one…and it ruined his life ,our life. Alcohol ,it is the word that makes me tremble (for I fear it and it makes me angry at the same time). I saw my dad become an alcoholic and I couldn’t help…not that I did not try to preclude it…I failed miserably. Aaie tried every damn way to get him out of it. Bala put in his everything to keep us united(he succeeded) and he has done more than anyone would ever know. But I have now grown up to believe that some things in life are controlled by destiny. It makes me sick…but there is not much I can do. All I do is dance to the tunes of life…
Alcoholism had got him into a bipolar disorder. If a person is patient of bipolar ,he suffers two extreme phases and the middle phase is a bit mild. All the year along patient will not behave normally…a few months of hyperactivity…then middle phase..where he seems to b normal…then again a few months of depression. God I don’t want to recall it…I’d better stop it here.